If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
