Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize