I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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