i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
