having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
