You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
