I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
