I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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