you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
