someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's get the cat blown out
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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