covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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