My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
