she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How naked do you want me to be?
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