How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
