you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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