Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
