You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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