Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
