Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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