What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
