that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
