Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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