Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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