2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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