fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have fence marks all over my body
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
