i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
