I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
