Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
