So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
