the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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