so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
