She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
