Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
