I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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