the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
