he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
