If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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