she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
