We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
