so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
