So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
splinters make it hard to masturbate
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm too high and old for this...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
