Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
