Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
