and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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