any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
