I heard we made out
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
