I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
