Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
