I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Soap is not a condiment
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
