Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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