Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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