I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
