i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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