My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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