dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
