dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
