I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
